


You're Subscribed to ApplePieASMR

by missHapp



Series: Quiet Boy Thoughts: The Youtube Channel [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta Read, Cheesy, Emotional Constipation, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecure Kozume Kenma, Insecurity, M/M, One Shot, Sappy Ending, Youtube AU, all my fics end with first kisses lmao, and it is:, but y'all can decide lol, i don't think this is a song fic, kenma and his low self esteem, kenma starts an asmr channel, kinda inspired by music, kuroo and his many girlfriends, specifically asmr, there's a scene that includes the song heather, to rant about Roo, who is kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missHapp/pseuds/missHapp
Summary: "...And for the first time in his entire life, Kenma Kozume made an impulsive decision."---This impulsive decision was starting a Youtube channel and becoming an ASMRtist. Why did he do this? Oh fuck, uh, maybe it was because he wanted to ramble to random people about how much he loved Kuroo. Hm, yes. It was definitely that. Through the storytimes and tapping on random shit, Kenma felt like this was helping him. It was like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.Until someone noticed he sounded just like their favorite ASMR Youtuber and all hell broke loose. Basically, he had an anxiety attack in public.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Quiet Boy Thoughts: The Youtube Channel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010115
Comments: 21
Kudos: 175





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**Author's Note:**

> i had a TON of fun writing this piece! i couldn't slow down once i got in the Zone™️. and with this fic, i was in the Zone™️ for almost 100% of the time! thank you to my beta reader, juryrouge, for giving me awesome feedback and checking my grammar.  
> *laughs in horrible relationship with commas*  
> hope you have just as much fun reading this as i did writing it <3  
> (psst! it would set the mood well if you read this with some no talking asmr playing in the background...)

Social interaction was never really Kenma’s thing, so he was glad that his parents never pushed him to make other friends. One was really all he needed. Until said friend dragged him along to volleyball. Kuroo was the exact opposite of Kenma. Loud, extroverted, and bursting with energy. He was also straight… so it was definitely a problem when Kenma developed a crush on him. A big, big problem that lasted until high school, which was where he was now.

Kenma was so tired. This wasn’t physical exhaustion or anything, this was emotional. It came from the most disgusting of places—his feelings. 

He just didn’t know what to do. No matter what he did, there was no way he would be able to get over Kuroo. And it wasn’t like he was planning on confessing anyway. The guy had dated so many people that Kenma was sure he wasn’t interested in him. 

Other than volleyball, video games, and Kuroo, he had no other interests. But he’d survived this long. Why did he need to change it up now? Just get through high school and become a pro gamer or something. 

But there was a teeny-tiny hole in Kenma’s chest that he couldn’t fill for some reason. Maybe the hole got there because of his pent up frustration. Frustration that he chose to ignore, probably because if he thought about it now, he would never stop thinking about it.

Frustration that came from the fact that he wanted to let it all out. Let the world know his deepest, darkest secrets. He just wanted to tell somebody. But he also never wanted to tell anybody. 

He sighed as he flopped down on his bed. Who in the world would listen to this highschooler ramble about his pathetic crush for hours? Kenma decided to google it. 

Not a lot of things came up when he first searched it up. (What was he expecting? There probably weren’t a lot of answers to “people who are willing to listen to a short boy ramble about his nonexistent love life near me.”) That wasn’t right. He needed to try something else. 

Click, click, click. “Weird things on youtube.” A lot of horror stories and cringe compilations. Click, click, click. “Strange interests”. He got an article about furries, and also this thing about deaths at comic conventions. Click, click, click. 

A half hour later was when he realized he got distracted looking at cats on Pinterest. Going back to where he started, he searched in the phrase that would finally get him to his answers. “1 hr storytime”, he typed in. _If anyone is willing to listen to people talking for an hour, then I could probably post something similar too._ He thought.

What came up was quite unusual. Something labeled “ASMR” was the thing that caught his eye. What the hell was ASMR? He clicked on it, curious. 

A woman started talking really softly into a microphone. So softly that Kenma couldn't really make out what she was saying. He paused the video and grabbed a pair of headphones. Once he unpaused the video again, he started listening very closely. The woman’s voice was soothing, which was most likely the reason she was doing this. ASMR, he imagined, was a kind of distraction that some people used to relax, or maybe even fall asleep. 

Kenma searched the definition of it up, and found that he was right, ASMRartists use “triggers” to help their viewers de-stress. It was quite considerate of them to try helping strangers feel more at ease. If Kenma had the right equipment, he might try it. 

A lightbulb suddenly went off in his brain. His very tired brain, as it was currently one in the morning. If people were voluntarily listening to this woman talk about her experience of being sick with pneumonia, someone had to be interested in listening to his woes. 

And for the first time in his entire life, Kenma Kozume made an impulsive decision. First, he logged into his already existing Youtube account. Then, he created a channel under the name ApplePieASMR. Look. Kenma wasn't feeling all that creative. He was having a crisis. So sue him for choosing a shitty Youtube name. Finally, he slumped down in his chair and started to think.

It was what he did best, after all. _Okay, time to use those problem solving skills for something other than volleyball or school_ , he thought. 

Here was the problem: Kenma had no microphones he could use to record his ASMR ramblings. Nor did he have any kind of editing software he could use post-production. You may think that he should've had a microphone since he plays games so much, but you forget he doesn't like to talk. Online gaming was one hobby he was never really interested in. His beloved DS was really all he needed.

Ah, but he was getting off track. Where would he get a mic from… he didn't want to buy one, he didn't have the money right now. There was always the option of using his crappy earbuds with a built in mic. Kenma would have to label it lo-fi ASMR then. Oh, and he needed to add ‘save up for a microphone’ to his mental checklist.

There was also the need for an editing software. Didn’t he have iMovie installed on his phone? Yeah, he used it for a group project once. And if that didn’t work, there were always free online websites he could use to edit from. 

Tomorrow was a school day, but uh, he didn't care. School was a scam and so was a healthy sleep schedule. Whatever, let him die young.

So he got out his phone and opened the voice memo app. Putting in his earbuds, he took a deep breath. 

“There’s this boy, right?” he whispered. “We’ve been friends for… quite a while, and I have a huge crush on him. He’s the reason I started this channel in the first place. I had a big crisis about who would listen to me rant about him, and I guess I’m trying out ASMR. I don’t have anything to tap on, so it’s just going to be mouth sounds and this story for now.

“So there was this one time when we went to the beach. He brought his newest girlfriend, even though he promised he wouldn’t. I felt ignored for the whole trip, and yes, they tried to include me in the conversations, but it just wasn’t the same.

“There’s nothing that lowers your self-esteem more than spending time with your crush and his girlfriend. Water isn’t my favorite thing either, so I let them play in the ocean while I watched from the shore. They broke up the next month. I guess that made me feel better. But also not, because he was sad for the next couple days.

“My crush is always on about finding someone that he’ll ‘actually fall in love with this time’. It’s stupid. He’s stupid… and I’m stupid for falling for him.

“Ha. I guess that wasn’t much of a storytime. But it’s okay, if you guys think it’s entertaining, I might consider making a part two. You can make fun of me if you want. It’s not like I care. I thought this through. If anyone even watches this, just know that my own thoughts have already done more damage than you will ever do.”

And with that, he stopped the voice memo. Kenma emailed it to himself, then imported the file to iMovie. He went through the motions mindlessly. Creating a background for his video, then uploading it. 

As he pulled his quilt over his body to sleep, he sighed. It felt like he had just taken the weight of the world off his chest. The reason he put the recording up online wasn’t so that people would see it. It was simply therapeutic, venting to himself in his room at ungodly hours of the night. Unlike other times, his brain didn’t register this action as something pathetic.

No, this was good. 

It had something to do with the scientific method. Probably. Kenma does a thing > it doesn’t cause him emotional pain > ??? > profit. Yeah, definitely scientific in some form or another. 

\---

Lev came over to his house the next day after practice. They were playing Mario Kart, because that's the only thing they could agree on playing. Apparently Animal Crossing wasn't cool enough for him. 

After their second round, Lev started to get heated.

“I bet you’re cheating,” he said, smashing the buttons furiously.

“I’m not.”

“Well there’s no other explanation for it! No one is this good at Mario Kart!”

“Hm, well then I don’t exist,”

“Oh my god, _really_?” he asked. 

Wait a minute. Did Lev genuinely think that he didn’t exist? They’d been going to the same school for months now. 

Kenma gave him a weird look, and went back to the game. Meanwhile, the other boy looked like he’d seen a ghost. He shook his head, wondering why all his friends were idiots.

Oh, and to top it all off, a couple minutes later, Hinata texted him. Dumbasses, everywhere. 

When Lev eventually left, Kenma had nothing to do. He had completed the homework for the day, and was in the house bored. Then, he remembered a thing. Specifically a thing that he’d done last night. The ASMR thing.

Opening up Youtube, he clicked on his channel, only to find that he now had about a hundred subscribers. What… the fuck. Did people actually like the video he made? Kenma scrolled down to where the comments were, and found that yeah, viewers were interested in hearing more about Kuroo. 

In total, there were ten whole comments. One of them was a hate comment, which Kenma ignored. The other nine were comments supporting him and asking questions about his crush. 

His feelings were mixed. The response was good, and it made Kenma want to make another video. Though at the same time, this meant that sometime in the future, his viewers would expect higher quality videos. Higher quality would mean putting in more effort, and everyone knew Kenma was all about saving energy. 

Nevertheless, he should probably do something to make this next video better than the last. No face reveal yet, but he could maybe edit the footage so that you could only see him from the neck down. 

First, he should find a good place to film. Somewhere with good lighting, not too bright, but not too dark either. Before starting the video, he also grabbed a bunch of things from around his house. 

He plugged in his earbuds and started the video. 

“Hello everyone,” he whispered. “To be honest, I was not expecting anyone to watch my last video. But here I am, with a hundred subscribers and back with more content. I did some more research and I even have stuff to tap on. You want to know more about my crush? Actually, I should think of a nickname for him so I don’t have to keep calling him ‘my crush’.” 

Kenma thought for a moment, and then said, “Because of his terrible, terrible hair, I’ll be calling him Roosty. Roo-roo for short,” 

He snorted.

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird, but just know that his hair has a striking resemblance to a mutilated chicken. Bear with me here. Roo-roo is a really good friend, and he’s supported me through tough times. If I wasn’t so in love with him, I’d be even more grateful that he’s my friend.”

Picking up his DS, he started tapping on it. This allowed for a short break from talking so much. In his tapping trance, Kenma decided he was thankful that he had long nails. The only reason that his nails were long were because he neglected to cut them, constantly telling himself that he’d do it tomorrow. 

Kenma had gotten bored with the tapping. Now for some more stories. 

“There was this one time where Roo and I went to the zoo. He was being really hyper and dragged me around the entire time. I swear my wrists have never been the same since. So, approximately half an hour into our trip, Roosty and I came across these two penguins in the penguin habitat. I don’t remember their names, cause the only thing that stood out to me about them was that they were like me. Hungry and gay.”

It was at this time where he started shaking a bottle of water. This sound was a personal favorite of his. Something about it was really nice.

“Hm, so the penguins. They were gay, right? It was actually on one of those informational signs and I pointed it out to Roo. He laughed when he read it, wheezing like he couldn’t breathe. His laugh… Oh god his laugh is so ugly.”

He stifled a laugh, but couldn’t repress a little grin. “Not very romantic of me to say that, though it’s true. His laugh is not pleasant to listen to. It’s not like, music to my ears or anything. But it is very amusing.”

Kenma took another break to pick up a book, sliding his hands up and down its rough cover. It made a noise he’d never heard before. And that was quite fascinating. 

“Back to the penguins. Uh, so Roosty was cracking up, holding on to… I _think_ a pole so that he didn’t fall over from laughter. Then he turned to me, sobered up completely and just said ‘this is the best day of my life’ and I turned completely red. He then proceeded to get really concerned. I guilt tripped him into carrying me back to the car.”

 _It might have been the best day of my life as well._ Kenma thought, putting the book down. He switched it out for a wooden block to tap on. Don’t ask why he had a wooden block hidden in his sock drawer. He was just as confused when he found it.

While doing the tapping on the wood, Kenma went silent, simply enjoying the feeling of wood underneath his nails. This would hopefully be a pleasant experience for both sides.

Kenma only ended up talking for another couple of minutes. All that filming added up to a total of twelve minutes of raw footage. Then came the hard part. Editing. 

He had never done any kind of video production in his life, so it was simultaneously frustrating and entertaining at the same time. Sort of like when he was playing a new game for the first time. 

Hours later, it was completed. Kenma’s second Youtube video. Simply upload and sleep. Oh, and also pray to the gods above that Kuroo never found out about his new hobby. 

\---

Over the next year (give or take a few months), Kenma had really gotten into ASMR. He wasn’t just a creator now, he genuinely enjoyed falling asleep to other Youtubers’ videos. Even his own content was improving. 

He still regularly posted his lo-fi stuff, but he’d saved up for a decent mic, and once in a while uploaded more professional looking videos. 

His current sub count was somewhere between three thousand to four thousand. He frequently forgot the actual number because it changed really fast. There were a lot of comments as well. 

A lot of them were mindless memes related to ASMR itself, but some of them were questions. Kenma’s favorites were the compliments. Call him easy to please, but didn't everyone like a little ego boost once in a while? 

This week, Kenma was a bit stuck. He didn't know what to post. He had always wanted to try negative energy plucking… but that required patience, which he didn't seem to have that night. Scrolling through his recommended page, he came across one of those really big Youtubers everyone knew. Not surprisingly, they were doing a Q&A video. Basic and easy to edit. And depending on how many questions you could find, Q&As went on for quite a while. 

Okay content that could entertain viewers for at least fifteen minutes? Kenma had found this week’s video. 

Adjusting his tripod, he scrolled through the comment sections of his previous videos. There were actually some really interesting questions for him. Okay, time to film. 

“First question. What’s your favorite food?” he frowned. So maybe not all of these questions were that original.

“My channel name. That's my favorite food. But barbecue is also pretty good. Do you play for a volleyball team? I saw your shoes in the background once, and they were volleyball shoes. Yeah, I do. It's cool that you noticed. What’s the story behind you dying your hair?”

He smiled a little. “It's kind of a sad story. But it has a happy ending, don't worry,”

Deep breaths, deep breaths. 

“This one time, Roo mentioned that he liked blondes. When I asked why, he shrugged. A couple weeks later, I dyed my hair, and he didn't say a word. I thought it made me look kinda dumb, but if my new hair made Roo like me even just a little, it was worth it. That was a year ago. Now I keep dying it because I've gotten used to the blond,”

“Hopefully the next question doesn't evoke such depressing stories. Let's see… I need some help. I'm not going to give some context, but what's the weirdest insult you can come up with?”

“There was this one that my friend came up with. It's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. He got as close to the other guy's face and called him a ‘pink gumball looking headass’. The other guy was offended, but mostly confused.”

He took a sip from his water bottle. It was officially time for the questions about Kuroo. Maybe he should’ve chosen alcohol to drink instead of water. 

“Have you ever dated anyone, and if you have, how has Roo reacted? Uh, no, I haven’t. I’ve never wanted to go out with anyone other than him and no one would ask me to be their boyfriend.”

“Have you heard of the song _Heather_ by Conan Gray? No. I don’t listen to the radio. What does that have to do with me anyway? Ah, sorry, I sounded annoyed. I’m not, it’s just… me. I’ll give it a listen someday. It could potentially be a future video, actually. Or I could do one of those livestream things. How many of you would show up? Tell me.”

Many other questions later, Kenma finally stopped his recording. _I’m going to have to do so much editing on the weekend,_ he thought. 

His phone beeped, signalling that he had a text message in need of opening. Picking up his phone, Kenma saw that it was from Kuroo.

He was asking to hang out. 

For some reason, he was kind of nervous to accept the invitation. The unreasonable part of him was completely convinced that Kuroo had found his channel. But the other ninety-five percent of him was the part that said yes to go over to his house. 

Kenma was always a slut for free snacks. 

\---

An hour into their gaming session, Kuroo got a little tired of getting his butt kicked and opted to take out his phone. 

“Why didn’t you just send them to me instead of showing them to me now?” Kenma asked.

The other boy rolled his eyes.

“Is it a crime to wanna spend time with you, Ken-ken?”

“For the last time, don’t call me that.”

“I think you secretly enjoy it when I give you nicknames,” he grinned. “It’s kinda like we’re dating!” 

While he laughed out loud, Kenma winced. _Too soon_ , he thought. Clearing his throat, he asked, “How’s your latest girlfriend doing, by the way?”

“Oh, Hina? She’s alright,”

Kenma hummed. “You’re gonna break up with her soon, aren’t you.”

Kuroo nodded sadly. 

“Is it me? Am I destined to be incompatible with every girl ever? Ken-ken, do you think I’ll _ever_ be able to find true love?”

“With that bedhead? As if.” 

_Liar,_ said his conscience. _You love his hair. You want to run your hands through it and mess it up even more. You’re selfish like that._

“Ugh, why am I friends with you again? I should’ve hung out with Bokuto today…”

“Shush, I’m gaming.”

“You’re always gaming.”

A comfortable silence fell between the two, until Kuroo decided to drop what was essentially a nuclear bomb in word form.

“...You love me, right?”

Kenma froze. “Of course,”

“Good, because sometimes I feel like no one does. But then I remember that you’re beside me,” he said, nearly inaudible. “Your love is just quieter. I need to appreciate the quieter loves in my life, I think.”

The silence was back. Kenma felt like he was suffocating under the pressure of what his best friend had just said. ‘Quiet love?’ Quiet, invisible, hidden. All of those things. 

He posted the video two days after his conversation with Kuroo. The livestream was scheduled to be on his instagram, beginning at nine pm and ending at eleven thirty. He made sure his followers knew ahead of time. 

On the night of the stream, Kenma did his best to hide his face. In the few minutes before anyone came on to watch, he had adjusted his tripod at least ten times. And then it began.

The first person gave him a simple hello, and Kenma nodded in response. Soon, a rush of new people arrived, and the chat exploded with excitement all towards _him_. 

“Hey everyone,” he whispered as more and more messages appeared in the chat. “Wow. You guys seem to be really happy to be here. I’m happy to have you. But could you send less messages? They’re distracting.”

The chat slowed, and he smiled ever so slightly. 

“So, _Heather._ I don’t listen to music everyday. Honestly the only times when I get updated on the latest pop songs is when Roo-roo comes over. He’s… basic like that,” Kenma sighed. “Anyways. I’ve got a Youtube tab opened up, and uh yeah, let’s see what this song is about,”

 _Seems sad,_ he thought. _I see why people wanted me to listen to it._

Then the lyrics came on, and Kenma _broke_. Kuroo had never given him a sweater, but when they were eight, he had lent him a scarf. He could still imagine the smell. Floral mixed with vanilla, the smell of the detergent that Kuroo’s mom used. It was comfortable and warm. But he had to give it back after a couple hours. 

The day he saw Kuroo give that same scarf to one of his forgettable girlfriends, Kenma let himself be fueled with rage. When he got home that day, he played enough Zelda to bruise his fingertips. He almost cried himself to sleep that night. Almost. 

He stopped remembering, going back to reacting to the song.

“This is really sad. Is this what you guys think my situation with Roo is?” he asked softly. 

The comments seemed to suggest that yeah, that’s exactly what they thought. 

Kenma chortled. That’s when the chorus came. It struck something deep within him. 

_You like her better. Wish I were Heather…_

Such simple words. Yet that’s exactly what he thought whenever Kuroo brought a girl over to introduce them, arm wrapped around her waist. Why couldn’t he have been born straight, normal, and not in love with his best friend!

His face showed no trace of what he was feeling. There was a camera in his face, recording live to a couple thousand people. Why would he want to show he was upset? Though it wasn’t like his viewers could see his whole face. Only the bottom half of it. 

Kenma let his brows furrow slightly. 

The song ended. 

The chat of the livestream exploded with questions. Did he like the song? Was he going to give them an update on Roo? Why wasn’t he saying anything? Was he okay?

He cleared his throat quietly. 

“I’m good. Sorry, got lost in thought. What did I think of _Heather_? Yeah it’s a good song. I don’t have any other thoughts on it. I’m just gonna do my regular thing for the rest of the livestream. Time to go to the fridge.”

And that’s how it went for another hour and a half. Just him, tapping on his fridge and various other things in his kitchen. Thank god his mom and dad were out that night. Imagine coming home to see your son recording himself tapping on your cabinets. 

Kenma would call an exorcist. 

\---

Things were normal for a couple months. Kuroo went through more girls, and Kenma continued whispering about his pining. Then the package came.

He was surprised when his dad came into the room and told him there was a package addressed to him. He hadn’t ordered anything online. 

When he opened it up, he found two things: a letter and a scarf. The scarf was garnet in color and so very, very soft. There were little tassels at the end that Kenma had fun playing with. 

Basically, this was the best gift ever. (And sue him if he imagined it was from Kuroo.)

The letter was fanmail. He had gotten actual fanmail. The person who wrote the letter was careful to use their best handwriting when thanking him for sharing his stories. They said that his content was one of the few things that helped them fall asleep. 

That comment made him smile. Creating his ASMR videos was originally all for himself, but now… Kenma was helping people. There was a fluttering feeling in his chest. It seemed that he was proud of himself.

He wore the scarf in the next video, dedicating a short segment of it to thanking the person who gave it to him. 

The comments exploded with love for the scarf, deeming it ‘iconic’ and ‘really cute on him.’ Kenma decided to wear it in the next video. And the next. And the next.

Eventually, wearing the scarf was a necessity when he was filming. It was nicknamed the ‘apple scarf.’ He forgot where it came from, but it might have been from Instagram. A comment by one of his followers or something. 

Though wearing the scarf in summer was a pain, Kenma truly loved it. He even wore it out once. 

Then he quickly realised his mistake. 

“Kenma, right?” Kuroo’s girlfriend-of-the-month asked.

He nodded.

“I like your scarf. It reminds me of this Youtuber I watch,”

He felt his whole body tense up. Kenma slowly looked up from his game to stare at her intently. He swallowed before asking, “What’s this Youtuber’s name?”

She smiled.

“Oh, you probably don’t know him. His name’s ApplePieASMR,”

“You’re right…” he whispered. “I don’t know him.”

“Wait a minute,” she said. 

“What?”

“Could you whisper something again?”

Kenma shook his head.

“C’mon!” she said, tugging his arm. “Pleaseee?”

If he did, she might stop tugging on his arm, so he did. He whispered the sentence, “Please stop touching me.”

She let go. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. “You’re him.”

Kenma tried to walk away, but she trailed after him. It looked like she wasn’t going away anytime soon. She asked question after question after question. His ears started to ring. 

Then she got to the one inquiry that Kenma was least looking forward to.

“Who’s Roo-roo? Do I know him?”

He felt his eyes sting terribly, and then suddenly there were tears running down his face. 

Kenma wasn’t breathing. He couldn’t. He really just _couldn’t_. 

_Why is this happening?_

_Why me?_

_I don’t want--_

_Stop touchi--_

_Pleas--_

“Kuroo?” the girl asked. She sounded surprised. Then there was another voice.

“Go away, Ichika. You’re giving him major anxiety. I’ll deal with this.”

_Please don’t talk anymore…_

He covered his ears. He fell to the ground. Was he breathing? God, did it even matter? 

The next several minutes were a blur of pain, pain, and even more pain. There was cold sweat dripping down his back, soaking up his winter coat. He was probably crying as well. It was humiliating. 

Finally, after what could’ve been minutes or hours, Kenma calmed down. The pain in his chest had become a dull ache. He sniffed, his nose puffy from crying. Opening his eyes, he saw that Kuroo was next to him. Where were they? He quickly looked around to take in his surroundings. 

Oh. They were at his house. In his room. On his bed. 

_This is a really nice dream_ . He thought. _Kuroo saving me and bringing me back home. I wonder if he’s gonna kiss me now. He does that sometimes, in my dreams._

Kuroo didn’t kiss him. But he did play with Kenma’s hair for a while, until he fell asleep. 

\---

When Kenma woke up the next day, he was dressed in different clothes. At the moment, he didn’t think much of it. But as he was brushing his teeth, he heard a yawn coming from his room. Yesterday wasn’t a dream. 

Kenma had actually had an anxiety attack out in public. Kuroo had actually taken him home and dressed him in his pyjamas after playing with his hair until he fell asleep.

There was no feasible way this could legitimately be happening to him. Did he jump into an alternate reality or something? Oh god. He had to calm himself. Kuroo’s footsteps were growing closer. 

Kenma didn’t show any sign of the discomfort he was feeling. At least, he tried to. He heard Kuroo scratch the back of his neck and take a deep breath.

“Ken—”

He spat his toothpaste in the sink, then wiped his mouth. 

“Continue,” he said.

“I watched a couple of your videos.”

He didn’t reply.

“They were really relaxing. And I like how you look in the scarf. Even when you’re not showing the top half of your face.”

“Cut to the chase, Tetsurou.” he snapped. “What do you really want to say to me?”

“I think… I think I know the reason why I can never stay in a relationship for more than two weeks,”

“And why’s that?”

“‘Cause it's always been you.”

Kenma laughed to fill the uncomfortable silence that had settled between the two of them.

Kuroo walked closer. He flinched. Kuroo stopped.

“Wait, you’re serious?” Kenma asked.

He nodded slowly. 

“I… don’t know what to say.”

“I’ll let you sleep on it. For now, I’m going home. I've got… homework.”

And so he left. 

Kenma didn't finish brushing his teeth that morning. He was still in shock. 

The next day, he decided to film a video without the apple scarf. It was an announcement. He told his viewers that he wasn’t going to be posting for a while since there was some really personal stuff going on that he didn’t feel like sharing. 

Kuroo was most likely going to see the video, but honestly? Kenma didn’t care. 

All he’d been thinking about was his best friend’s confession. He had mixed feelings on the matter. A lot of jumbled up thoughts, too. Like, how long had Kuroo liked him? How long had he been watching Kenma’s videos? Did the confession mean he wanted to date him?

Well… he never said that. Kuroo never wanted to date him. He was simply stuck with the neurological disease people called ‘feelings’. The confession was just something he needed off his chest. Yeah. That. 

The comments on his announcement video were supportive and kind. He was thankful to have such a nice audience. Closing his laptop for the night, Kenma drifted off to sleep. He didn’t dream, which was good, for he usually dreamed of the one person he did not want to be thinking of. 

In the next several days, Kenma saw him around school and at volleyball practice. 

They weren’t talking. At all. 

Lev approached him about it once, but Kenma brushed it off. He ignored the pained look on his friend’s face. 

He started imagining Kuroo being next to him. Sometimes he’d get excited over a new high score and turn to show him. But of course, he wasn’t there. This was the result of missing him, and Kenma knew it. There was one other thing he knew: they were going to have to talk, and it didn’t look like Kuroo was going to initiate the conversation. 

He did it after volleyball. 

Kenma walked up to his best friend and asked to talk privately. The other boy just nodded. There was a slight look of panic upon his face, though it disappeared quite quickly. 

“Uh,” said Kuroo. “Sorry I’ve been avoiding you for so long. It’s just that I thought it’d be awkward to talk to you like everything’s normal because it’s obviously not, right? Haha…”

“We’ve been avoiding each other, Roo. It’s not your fault.”

“Thanks, Ken.”

“Now. I’ve made up my mind. You love me, and I love you. Romantically. If I got any of this wrong, interrupt me. Otherwise, shut up.”

Kuroo nodded.

“I love you, and I have ever since fifth grade. I was always too scared to tell you because you were so interested in girls. But right now? There’s a chance for us to be together. Um, well, you don’t have to date me, and I’m pretty sure that you never will want to—”

“Stop right there,” said Kuroo. “Who said I never wanted to date your cute ass?”

Kenma turned red.

“Yeah. That’s right. You’re an adorable pudding cup, and I wanna date the hell out of ya. Will you accept?”

He smiled, small and genuine.

“Usually my anxiety would say no, but when have I ever said no to you, Tetsurou?”

He laughed his ugly laugh and started to kiss Kenma. Their skin was sweaty and gross as they held onto one another, desperate to never let go. A gust of wind hit them, blowing Kenma’s hair into his face. Kuroo brushed it away, tucking it behind his ear. 

“You’re so beautiful…” he whispered. Kenma sighed.

“Maybe you’re the one who should become an ASMRtist. You have a lovely whispering voice.” 

He hummed against the top of his head. 

“We could do a boyfriend tag or something. Making a channel’s too much work. And I wanna see you in the apple scarf again.” This sentence was accompanied by a cheesy wink. Which made him giggle. 

“M’kay, we can do that,” Kenma said, then kissed him on the nose. 

**Author's Note:**

> *crawls out of hole*  
> *taps u on the shoulder*  
> "ahem."  
> "may i have some comments pls???"


End file.
